Climbing Out!

Okay, happy to say that my dip into the 'Pity' pool was brief and short lived...  Fortunately my personality doesn't allow for much time spent feeling sorry for myself on matters that I can control.  I may pitch a bitch or whine a bit, but I get over it fairly quickly and this whole situation/relationship with my AZ Drummer is no different in terms of how I will handle it.

Through the years I have discovered that I am not like your typical woman when it comes to dating, perhaps leading my downfall in the romance department or finding a suitable significant other.  Truthfully, it is a trait that I refuse to let go because of how strongly I feel about it.

On average, I would think that more women would be highly upset with the continued cancellations and/or last minute calls to reschedule and then ultimately cancel.  I would also think that more women would be highly upset when the phone calls are sporadic at best and messages left are rarely replied upon.

For me it's much more complicated I think and perhaps most men would view my reserved nature as possibly uncaring, perhaps that in itself is more of a curse than anything else.

I don't expect a man to complete me or my life, although I would love to share those needs with someone special, until the day comes when I am able to give a man that much responsibility without so much as a second thought, those qualities are mine to secure and be happy with.

Having said that, I don't expect the person I am with to spend every moment of the day with me, talking to me or being my only source of entertainment.  Life comes with some of the most unexpected twists and turns, whether on a personal level or professional, I can't see myself spending my energy in a negative manner because our plans have to be changed or canceled due to something beyond our control.  However, I do have limitations with this acceptance.

I would love to think that spending time with me is just as important to them as breathing and not felt as an obligation.  How to explain this one.... well, simple enough.  Prior to the Holiday weekends approach, we had made tentative plans to get together as every other time we tried it was canceled.  With the exception of a scheduled fun day with his daughter early in the day on Saturday, he had the weekend off.  I thought as it had been 7 years and we both expressed a strong desire to see each other again and our schedules just kept getting out of whack, I thought nothing could have kept him from spending some time with me over the weekend, even if it were for just a few hours.  Instead he went shooting and from there his whole weekend was a nightmare, to which I am highly relieved and grateful that he is okay.  But the fact that he went shooting just pretty much made me realize that we are not on the same page when it comes to wanting to really see each other.

And then there are the phone calls, emails, text messages.... this one is a very fine line for me and unfortunately one that weighs heavy on my mind with my AZ Drummer.  Unfortunately since I haven't heard from him since being informed of the situation on Saturday, I guess pitching a bitch just isn't the right thing to do at this time.  Regardless, when it comes to communication, I don't expect it to be a constant and I don't find myself sitting by my phone just waiting for it to ring or notify me of a text.  However I do believe in at least checking in once in a while, if for nothing else, just to say 'hi', let me know they're okay.

There is much more that I can write when it comes to me and what I want out of a relationship, it's time for me to stop writing about it, it's time for me to stop talking about it, Life is just too short not to do something about it.