Laughing through the tears.

Sometimes it takes a major event to open your eyes, to give you that extra little push that reminds you to start living before it's too late.  Unfortunately this type of a jolt usually starts only after a loved one has passed away and sometimes that jolt is completely ignored for many years to come, only to be realized at a later time.  Well my story happens to be the one in which it has been realized at a later time, basically, now.

Through the years I have lost many loved ones, both family and friends.  With each persons passing, I recall telling myself and others around me that life is too short to wait for something good to come along, you need to get out there and live it, find the adventure for yourself.

Last month we lost a great man, the father of my ex-boyfriend.  Despite that our relationship had ended, I found myself staying in touch with the family because not only did I care for them, but in all honesty, I loved my ex and wanted to make sure he was doing okay.

What I realized today was that for whatever my reason was, I was keeping other men at bay, avoiding the possibility of a relationship that might go somewhere, avoiding the possibility of finding true happiness, avoiding the possibility that someone could actually take over a bigger part of my heart.

Perhaps there was a part of me that truly hoped he would want to get help for his alcoholism, something that we could work through, together.  Perhaps there was a part of me that wasn't ready to let go so easily, despite what we went through.  Perhaps there was a part of me that believed he would choose me over alcohol this time.

Just over a year ago, I met a man through an online dating site.  Prior to meeting, we spent about 2 months conversing via phone and emails.  Once we finally met, not only did he live up to his profile, but it was discovered that we both had a lot in common.  So started a great friendship.

Initially we spent a lot of time together, going out to dinner, dancing, playing pool and sometimes just hanging at each others homes.  However about 3 months into the friendship, he started to get serious, wanting something more than just friends and I completely back-tracked.  It was so much to the point that I told him things were too hectic for me at that time and I cut off communication with him.  Short and simple, I freaked the hell out!

Back in October, we linked the lines of communication together again.  I was completely honest with him about my 'Freak Out'.  So for the last 7 months, we have been taking things slowly and yet, allowing us the room to grow.  It has been an awesome experience so far and I don't see it changing any time soon.  What I have realized is that he holds a part of my heart, something that I didn't expect to occur so soon, let alone at all.

So yes, Life is too short and I am finally acknowledging that fact by joining the living, exploring when I can and just letting things happen by not keeping everyone at arms length any more.

Help Find Sierra LaMar

On March 16, 2012 one of our innocent children disappeared, believed to have happened during her trip to the local school bus stop.  The case has taken such a turn that it is believed her abduction was purely random and that unfortunately she has been murdered.  Although there has yet to be any information released to the public as to how she was murdered or what has investigators believing that she in fact is dead, for the lack of information that I would be allowed, I have to believe in my heart that she is still alive, somewhere out there, wanting more than anything in the world to return home to a family, a community that dearly misses her.

If anyone out there in blogger-land has any information regarding Sierra’s disappearance and/or her whereabouts, please put yourself in the shoes and hearts of her family and help out by contacting the Santa Clara Sheriff’s Department at (408) 808-4431.

For up to date information on how the case is going, you can follow on Facebook by going to:  Help  Find Sierra LaMar

Da- Dah- Dad- Daddy- Dad

I can't believe that Father's Day is just around the corner, again!  In fact this whole year is going by much faster than I tend to be enjoying it, time for me to slow down and smell the roses!

So I have to ask, What does Father's Day mean to you?

For me, it is a time when my mother was left to care for 5 children on her own, the youngest being less than 2 years old.  It was a time when we had no money for extras, our food was very limited to the point that my mother would go days without eating.  It was a time when this guy would return, help us pay a bill or two, get about a weeks worth of food, make us believe he was back for good and then hit the road while we were in school so he didn't have to say goodbye.

Father's Day started the day my mom brought home a date.  After having endured 3 years of making our life better for us at all cost, a friend of hers convinced her to get out of the house for a few hours.  About 3 months later, she brought home a date to meet us and he became more than just a male figure in our lives, he became our Father, even though at the time we didn't realize it, we were in our rebellious years from having been disappointed by another guy.  We trusted no one!

Mowing the lawn and participating in baby showers...

Now, 33 years later, Father's Day is knowing that my dad is just a phone call away and regardless of the time or day, he always picks up.  He is a man who at times does things that in all honesty should have killed him by now, he's a nut and we shake our heads in wonder, hell, he tried to get a hornet's nest out of a tree by using a ladder, a broom and a small garbage pail!  Yeah, he lost!  Thankfully he out ran most of the hornets!  The pictures below are of his attire when he cleaned the barbecue grill... Yes, as a member of Law Enforcement, that is him wearing his riot helmet and a pair of welding gloves...!

Cleaning the barbecue grill before a big weekend!

Father's Day is remembering every minute of every day that this man who had no children of his own kept his word to my mother, to love us all as one, forever and ever.

Happy Father's Day Dad....

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