Through the years I have lost many loved ones, both family and friends. With each persons passing, I recall telling myself and others around me that life is too short to wait for something good to come along, you need to get out there and live it, find the adventure for yourself.
Last month we lost a great man, the father of my ex-boyfriend. Despite that our relationship had ended, I found myself staying in touch with the family because not only did I care for them, but in all honesty, I loved my ex and wanted to make sure he was doing okay.
What I realized today was that for whatever my reason was, I was keeping other men at bay, avoiding the possibility of a relationship that might go somewhere, avoiding the possibility of finding true happiness, avoiding the possibility that someone could actually take over a bigger part of my heart.
Perhaps there was a part of me that truly hoped he would want to get help for his alcoholism, something that we could work through, together. Perhaps there was a part of me that wasn't ready to let go so easily, despite what we went through. Perhaps there was a part of me that believed he would choose me over alcohol this time.
Just over a year ago, I met a man through an online dating site. Prior to meeting, we spent about 2 months conversing via phone and emails. Once we finally met, not only did he live up to his profile, but it was discovered that we both had a lot in common. So started a great friendship.
Initially we spent a lot of time together, going out to dinner, dancing, playing pool and sometimes just hanging at each others homes. However about 3 months into the friendship, he started to get serious, wanting something more than just friends and I completely back-tracked. It was so much to the point that I told him things were too hectic for me at that time and I cut off communication with him. Short and simple, I freaked the hell out!
Back in October, we linked the lines of communication together again. I was completely honest with him about my 'Freak Out'. So for the last 7 months, we have been taking things slowly and yet, allowing us the room to grow. It has been an awesome experience so far and I don't see it changing any time soon. What I have realized is that he holds a part of my heart, something that I didn't expect to occur so soon, let alone at all.
So yes, Life is too short and I am finally acknowledging that fact by joining the living, exploring when I can and just letting things happen by not keeping everyone at arms length any more.
