Be still my heart....

Recently there was a confession by Robert in which he told me the truth in regards to his marriage.  He has been separated from his wife for the past 3 years.

Initially I had unfairly judged his decision for telling me.  I thought it was less than truthful and the only way he thought to possibly get me to sleep with him, hell, all I knew per our previous conversations was that he was married and had been away from his family for the past few months, so my thought fell along the lines of someone who was lonely and needing to get laid.

When my reaction was less than favorable towards him as he made an attempt to kiss me, I really thought that my behavior would have sent him in a direction to look for someone else, someone more than willing to accommodate his urges.  But that didn't happen.  In fact he apologized for his behavior and insisted that I never avoid being truthful to him, regardless of the chance that it may hurt or anger him.  He stated that he has never met anyone like me who isn't afraid to speak her mind and actually mean it.

Friday morning I had learned of a friend from back home passing away.  My day didn't continue, I found myself stuck on idle as I continued to feel guilty for being here in Arizona and not back home having spent more time with my friend before he passed, I actually felt extremely selfish for the decisions that I made.

When the evening came, I decided that I needed to get out of the house, I needed a way to release the frustration, emotions, anger, guilt, etc...  So I kept my plans with Robert for an evening of dancing and pool.

As we had been at the bar for about an hour or so, a song came on that he liked and he led me to the dance floor.  It was actually a fast song.  So, as we were shaking our asses on the dance floor, the next thing I know he has his hand on my upper back and the dancers around us are moving much faster than we were.  At some point during the dance he said that he could see it in my eyes that I was trying really hard to keep from crying, I was trying really hard to have a good time, that I was trying really hard not to mess up his night with my emotional state.  So, he put his hand on my back and pulled me close to him, holding me tighter than I have ever allowed him to do prior.

Before we left the bar, he asked if I would like to stay with him?  He promised to be a perfect gentleman and not take advantage of my emotional state.  He stated that he could see that I just needed a friend, comfort, support and understanding.  He offered me endless use of his arms for the night in whatever capacity I needed.

My thought at the time he asked was that yes, whether he was a gentleman or not, I needed someone to make the pain go away, I needed someone to take my mind off of my problems, my guilt, my frustration. 

We spoke for many hours, eventually waking up in each others arms sometime just before noon.  He didn't try anything, he was a perfect gentleman, a perfect friend.  After we ate breakfast, I went home, changed and returned to his house as we had plans for the day.

It is now a totally different feeling between us, yes there is friendship still, but there is more respect for him in my eyes.  After we were done running around for the day, we headed to the bar for another round of pool and dancing, this time it felt as though people were moving out of our way as we headed to the dance floor, I can't explain the feeling, but it is a nice one.

In a mood...

For whatever reason was going through my head at the time, perhaps out of sheer boredom, I threw a bit of information at the direction of research and OMG, the information I pulled up was quite surprising. 

First off, tomorrow is my 2nd date with Shawn.  As I have a meeting this afternoon in Phoenix, we decided that instead of me driving 2 hours there, back and then doing it again tomorrow, I am going to be staying with him tonight.

So yesterday... as I am entering the information into Google Maps as to the location of my meeting from home, the thought of just how far my AZ Drummer lives from Shawn entered my mind.  Sooooooo, it is less than a mile!  Yeah, I was like, holy hell!

So now it's later in the evening and I am posting on a journal that I am part of, then I notice how you can search/view other members journals, so for the hell of it, I use keywords for Shawn and then for my AZ Drummer.  Nothing comes up with Shawn, but for the AZ Drummer, I was actually brought to his wife's journal!  At this point I am like 'Holy Shit!'....

Although there was a lot of entries, out of respect, I only read one, basically just checking to see if this is in fact one and the same... so my answer would have to be, yes, without a doubt, this was his wife's journal!

So as of now, my research is back in it's box, only to be used for a true good reason.

Rabbits, Scorpion and a Date, Oh My!

First of all, although I am not in anyway a Toby Keith fan due to a personal experience after meeting the jerk, although it happened well over 10 years ago when I worked for a casino in Jackson, CA, it was enough to keep a lasting-bad taste impression on me.  But still I have to say that I like the song, Red Solo Cup.  Just needed to get that out since it just came on the radio.

Okay, now to the post at hand.....

Rabbits.... these lil' shits are causing mother some major issue.  Every time the grass starts to grow, these guys come along and eat it back down to nothing.  She has tried a fence, she has tried deterrent suggestions and even chases them off (which is rather hilarious at times since the leader of the pack just glares at her).  Anyway, this is a picture of just 3 of the 5 that frequent the yard.

Scorpion.... this guy or gal literally gave me the worse case of the willies... It was found just above the door in the garage that leads into the house.  That sucker could have dropped on me and I would have been in traction as I ran all over the place, arms flailing, etc... ewwwwwwwwwwww....

A date....  So the dinner date with my new friend went rather well.  Although he picked the restaurant, it was only after getting my input on the type of food I liked, he already knew that I liked Mexican but asked for an alternate.  We ended up going to De Marco's, the Italian Restaurant here in town.

After hanging out and talking at the restaurant for a bit, we headed over to a local bar that was what I consider the perfect atmosphere for me, several people inside and music playing, but not to the point where we couldn't hear each other during our conversations.

After hanging out there and playing a few games of pool, we broke even and agreed to break the tie next time.  I am quite happy to say that he was okay with me wanting to just have a friend to do things with right now.  So on Sunday, he is joining us for breakfast, he already knows my parents so he said there is no nerves to be frayed on meeting the parents... lol!

He brought me home just short of 10:00pm, he didn't want the parents getting worried about me, plus he has to work in the morning.  So all in all, it was a great night.

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Out and about

Since arriving here in Arizona, I haven't really ventured out all that much on my own, with the exception of the last minute dinner invitation from a romantic interest, hmmmm, feels weird to actually say that, I have a romantic interest, feels pretty cool.

In all honesty, I am keeping a lid on the dating for now, I wouldn't mind spending some quality time with someone who isn't one of my parents, going to a movie, out for a few games of pool or even for a little walk around the block, perhaps I need to head out and find a few girlie-girls to hang out with on Friday nights.  I don't know, I just know that I am getting cabin fever!

As for the dinner date tonight, I am still honoring that, we definitely had a lot to talk about last time, plus he wants to go shoot a few games of pool afterwards.  So I am hoping he will be understanding in my decision to continue my breather from dating and be just as content as a friend, and someone to hang out with once in a while.  In all honesty, my mind still revolves around the AZ Drummer, which I know, give it time, give it time.....

If it goes any further with my new friend, then so be it, but for now, I am pretty confident in my decision. 

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