In a mood...

For whatever reason was going through my head at the time, perhaps out of sheer boredom, I threw a bit of information at the direction of research and OMG, the information I pulled up was quite surprising. 

First off, tomorrow is my 2nd date with Shawn.  As I have a meeting this afternoon in Phoenix, we decided that instead of me driving 2 hours there, back and then doing it again tomorrow, I am going to be staying with him tonight.

So yesterday... as I am entering the information into Google Maps as to the location of my meeting from home, the thought of just how far my AZ Drummer lives from Shawn entered my mind.  Sooooooo, it is less than a mile!  Yeah, I was like, holy hell!

So now it's later in the evening and I am posting on a journal that I am part of, then I notice how you can search/view other members journals, so for the hell of it, I use keywords for Shawn and then for my AZ Drummer.  Nothing comes up with Shawn, but for the AZ Drummer, I was actually brought to his wife's journal!  At this point I am like 'Holy Shit!'....

Although there was a lot of entries, out of respect, I only read one, basically just checking to see if this is in fact one and the same... so my answer would have to be, yes, without a doubt, this was his wife's journal!

So as of now, my research is back in it's box, only to be used for a true good reason.

Sunday Bliss....

So the date with Shawn finally happened.  It was a great time spent playing pool, swimming, barbeque's and just getting to know each other.  I also had a chance to spend some time with his 2 dogs, gorgeous dogs!  Perhaps someday I will post a photo of them, pretty much want to see where things go for us first and of course, get his permission.

The spot we ended up at for our First Date / Meeting was a great place, called BullShooters in Phoenix.  The music was perfect, the atmosphere was pretty friendly, it was just what I feel is the perfect location for a first date if both parties like Pool, Darts, well pretty much a sporty feel.  There were also a few junior pool leagues going on in there.

Although I thoroughly enjoyed myself, it comes with a bit of guilt for two reasons.

First off, I did stay the night at his house and this morning he had to work.  Last night he informed me that his boys would be coming by the house to use the pool, probably early but a time wasn't specified.  Well this morning he told me they would probably be there around 10am.  Without thinking first, I got up, got dressed and out the door I went, that quick!  Why the guilt?  Well, I feel as though I may have given him the wrong impression that I didn't want to meet his boys and therefore was trying to avoid them as quickly as I could.... that is the farthest from the truth though.

It has been such a long time since I have found someone who I truly connected with, it has been such a long time since I have actually looked forward to the possibility that I could be truly happy with someone.  I have Shawn to thank for that.  Whether we end up together as a couple or just friends, either way I view it, I will have gained a lot.

So this whole situation with his boys had nothing to do with wanting to avoid them, I would prefer to find out where him and I stand first and also, I didn't want to put him in a situation that he would have to explain my presence and perhaps have to deal with the ex as well.

Secondly, I have some guilt in the fact that I was very much against even considering dating someone again.  So, my mind goes back to the friend of my mom's whose brother and I went on a date just a couple of weeks ago.  There has been no issue's, in fact we are getting together for a few games of pool on Friday, as friends.  But I feel guilty because I know he is interested in more and yet, I am not, with him that is.....  I just don't know if this is a situation I bring up to him or not?  I want to be respectful towards him and yet I don't know how something like this is even handled... ughhhhhhhhhhh!  Being single is so confusing!

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Rabbits, Scorpion and a Date, Oh My!

First of all, although I am not in anyway a Toby Keith fan due to a personal experience after meeting the jerk, although it happened well over 10 years ago when I worked for a casino in Jackson, CA, it was enough to keep a lasting-bad taste impression on me.  But still I have to say that I like the song, Red Solo Cup.  Just needed to get that out since it just came on the radio.

Okay, now to the post at hand.....

Rabbits.... these lil' shits are causing mother some major issue.  Every time the grass starts to grow, these guys come along and eat it back down to nothing.  She has tried a fence, she has tried deterrent suggestions and even chases them off (which is rather hilarious at times since the leader of the pack just glares at her).  Anyway, this is a picture of just 3 of the 5 that frequent the yard.

Scorpion.... this guy or gal literally gave me the worse case of the willies... It was found just above the door in the garage that leads into the house.  That sucker could have dropped on me and I would have been in traction as I ran all over the place, arms flailing, etc... ewwwwwwwwwwww....

A date....  So the dinner date with my new friend went rather well.  Although he picked the restaurant, it was only after getting my input on the type of food I liked, he already knew that I liked Mexican but asked for an alternate.  We ended up going to De Marco's, the Italian Restaurant here in town.

After hanging out and talking at the restaurant for a bit, we headed over to a local bar that was what I consider the perfect atmosphere for me, several people inside and music playing, but not to the point where we couldn't hear each other during our conversations.

After hanging out there and playing a few games of pool, we broke even and agreed to break the tie next time.  I am quite happy to say that he was okay with me wanting to just have a friend to do things with right now.  So on Sunday, he is joining us for breakfast, he already knows my parents so he said there is no nerves to be frayed on meeting the parents... lol!

He brought me home just short of 10:00pm, he didn't want the parents getting worried about me, plus he has to work in the morning.  So all in all, it was a great night.

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Out and about

Since arriving here in Arizona, I haven't really ventured out all that much on my own, with the exception of the last minute dinner invitation from a romantic interest, hmmmm, feels weird to actually say that, I have a romantic interest, feels pretty cool.

In all honesty, I am keeping a lid on the dating for now, I wouldn't mind spending some quality time with someone who isn't one of my parents, going to a movie, out for a few games of pool or even for a little walk around the block, perhaps I need to head out and find a few girlie-girls to hang out with on Friday nights.  I don't know, I just know that I am getting cabin fever!

As for the dinner date tonight, I am still honoring that, we definitely had a lot to talk about last time, plus he wants to go shoot a few games of pool afterwards.  So I am hoping he will be understanding in my decision to continue my breather from dating and be just as content as a friend, and someone to hang out with once in a while.  In all honesty, my mind still revolves around the AZ Drummer, which I know, give it time, give it time.....

If it goes any further with my new friend, then so be it, but for now, I am pretty confident in my decision. 

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Climbing Out!

Okay, happy to say that my dip into the 'Pity' pool was brief and short lived...  Fortunately my personality doesn't allow for much time spent feeling sorry for myself on matters that I can control.  I may pitch a bitch or whine a bit, but I get over it fairly quickly and this whole situation/relationship with my AZ Drummer is no different in terms of how I will handle it.

Through the years I have discovered that I am not like your typical woman when it comes to dating, perhaps leading my downfall in the romance department or finding a suitable significant other.  Truthfully, it is a trait that I refuse to let go because of how strongly I feel about it.

On average, I would think that more women would be highly upset with the continued cancellations and/or last minute calls to reschedule and then ultimately cancel.  I would also think that more women would be highly upset when the phone calls are sporadic at best and messages left are rarely replied upon.

For me it's much more complicated I think and perhaps most men would view my reserved nature as possibly uncaring, perhaps that in itself is more of a curse than anything else.

I don't expect a man to complete me or my life, although I would love to share those needs with someone special, until the day comes when I am able to give a man that much responsibility without so much as a second thought, those qualities are mine to secure and be happy with.

Having said that, I don't expect the person I am with to spend every moment of the day with me, talking to me or being my only source of entertainment.  Life comes with some of the most unexpected twists and turns, whether on a personal level or professional, I can't see myself spending my energy in a negative manner because our plans have to be changed or canceled due to something beyond our control.  However, I do have limitations with this acceptance.

I would love to think that spending time with me is just as important to them as breathing and not felt as an obligation.  How to explain this one.... well, simple enough.  Prior to the Holiday weekends approach, we had made tentative plans to get together as every other time we tried it was canceled.  With the exception of a scheduled fun day with his daughter early in the day on Saturday, he had the weekend off.  I thought as it had been 7 years and we both expressed a strong desire to see each other again and our schedules just kept getting out of whack, I thought nothing could have kept him from spending some time with me over the weekend, even if it were for just a few hours.  Instead he went shooting and from there his whole weekend was a nightmare, to which I am highly relieved and grateful that he is okay.  But the fact that he went shooting just pretty much made me realize that we are not on the same page when it comes to wanting to really see each other.

And then there are the phone calls, emails, text messages.... this one is a very fine line for me and unfortunately one that weighs heavy on my mind with my AZ Drummer.  Unfortunately since I haven't heard from him since being informed of the situation on Saturday, I guess pitching a bitch just isn't the right thing to do at this time.  Regardless, when it comes to communication, I don't expect it to be a constant and I don't find myself sitting by my phone just waiting for it to ring or notify me of a text.  However I do believe in at least checking in once in a while, if for nothing else, just to say 'hi', let me know they're okay.

There is much more that I can write when it comes to me and what I want out of a relationship, it's time for me to stop writing about it, it's time for me to stop talking about it, Life is just too short not to do something about it.